Do your parents need help at home? How to tell

Why the need for help often creeps up

There is rarely a single moment when it becomes clear that things no longer work alone. Usually everyday life changes slowly. The windows are cleaned less often, the weekly shop becomes harder, letters pile up. Many older people compensate for a long time because they do not want to be a burden. If you live further away or only see your parents at weekends, you often notice the changes late.

A single sign is no reason to worry. Everyone lets something slide or forgets an appointment now and then. What matters is what keeps happening over several weeks or shows up in several areas at once. The checklist below is meant to help you look more closely without immediately assuming the worst.

Checklist: signs that older people need help

Go through the points calmly, ideally right after a visit. Note down what you notice and watch whether things change over time.

Household

• The home is clearly less tidy or clean than it used to be.
• Laundry piles up and beds are changed less often.
• Heavy tasks such as cleaning windows or the weekly cleaning of shared stairs and pavements (Kehrwoche) are left undone.
• The rubbish is no longer taken out regularly.

Shopping and meals

• The fridge is almost empty, or it contains food past its use-by date.
• There is hardly any cooking and meals are skipped more often.
• Getting to the shops and carrying bags has become difficult.
• Clothes look noticeably looser than before.

Post and appointments

• Unopened letters, bills or reminders pile up.
• Doctor's appointments or plans with friends are forgotten or cancelled.
• Forms and applications are put off again and again.

Body and safety

• Stairs, the cellar or the bathtub are avoided.
• A fall or a near fall is mentioned in passing.
• Clothes are changed less often and personal hygiene seems to be getting harder.
• The cooker is left on or the front door unlocked.

Mood and social contact

• Your mother or father withdraws and cancels plans more often.
• Hobbies, clubs or church groups are given up.
• On the phone your parents sound lower, more irritable or less sure of themselves than before.
• You hear “I'm managing fine” remarkably often.

If you recognise several points, this is no judgement on your parents. It is a good reason to think together about what would make everyday life easier.

Starting the conversation with your parents gently

Many parents find it hard to accept help, especially from their own children. Behind “I don't need that” there is often a fear of losing independence. A good conversation takes this fear seriously.

• Choose the right moment: calmly and without time pressure, not in passing and not in front of the whole family.
• Speak about yourself: “I've been thinking about this because …” goes down better than “You can't cope any more”.
• Ask rather than decide: What has become difficult? What do your parents definitely want to keep doing themselves?
• Stress the goal: help with the household is meant to make it possible for your parents to live independently in their own home for a long time.
• Start small: it is often easier to begin with a single task, such as cleaning the windows or the weekly shop.
• Give it time: a first no is rarely the final word. Come back to the topic after a few weeks.

It also helps if siblings agree beforehand and speak with one voice. Some parents find it easier to accept advice from a trusted person outside the family.

Your parents need help with the household: first steps

If, after the checklist and the conversation, you feel that support would do your parents good, these steps will help:

1. Check the care level: a care level (Pflegegrad) opens the door to benefits from the long-term care fund (Pflegekasse). The application is informal, a phone call to the care fund is enough, and benefits apply from the month of application. The assessment by the Medical Service (Medizinischer Dienst) usually takes place at home. A care diary (Pflegetagebuch) helps, and it is good if you are there for the appointment. Read more in our guide to applying for a care level.
2. Use support paid by insurance: with a care level, the long-term care fund covers the cost of household help in many cases, currently from care level 1 via the relief allowance (Entlastungsbetrag). Without a care level, the health insurance fund (Krankenkasse) can pay after surgery or during a serious illness. You will find all routes in our article Free household help: when does insurance pay?
3. Get free advice: call us on 07121 159 10 58, Monday to Friday from 08:00 to 14:00, or write to us using the contact form for a free consultation. In the initial phone call we clarify what help is needed and which entitlement applies. You can also have this conversation on behalf of your parents.
4. Getting to know each other at home: for the admission meeting we visit your parents at home and tailor everything to their needs. After that, a regular support worker starts with fixed appointments.

When a home care service should be involved

Household help supports with cleaning, laundry, shopping and cooking, accompanies people to appointments and brings company into the day. Some tasks, however, belong in the hands of a home care service (ambulanter Pflegedienst), for example help with washing, showering and dressing, giving medication or dressing wounds.

Alltagsdienst Sperling is not a care service. We do not provide personal care or medical tasks. If your parents need this kind of help, we are happy to put you in touch with a home care service. The two fit together well: the care service provides the nursing care, and we take care of the household and everyday life. On request we also arrange meals on wheels, a transport service, an accessible bathroom conversion or 24-hour live-in support.

How we support your parents in everyday life

Since 2018 we have been supporting older people in the districts of Reutlingen and Tübingen, the greater Stuttgart area and the Lake Constance district (Bodenseekreis). Your parents get a regular support worker who comes at fixed times and knows their wishes. If they are on holiday or ill, we arrange cover. Our staff are trained and covered by social security, accident insurance and liability insurance.

What we do depends on what is needed: cleaning the home and windows, laundry, shopping and errands, preparing meals or the small weekly cleaning duty. On top of that there is time for conversation, walks, reading aloud or board games, and for accompanying your parents to appointments. Especially if you live further away, this gives you peace of mind: a familiar person drops by regularly. Learn more about our household help and everyday support for seniors on our overview page.

Frequently asked questions

Sources

• § 15 SGB XI (assessing the care level)
• § 18 SGB XI (assessment)
• § 45b SGB XI (relief allowance)

This article reflects the legal situation on the date given and is not legal advice. We review the amounts every year at the turn of the year.